A Castle I Can Live With

"I think it stopped bleeding," The Craigmillar Castle caretaker says, dabbing at the gash on my head.

"It doesn't hurt," I reply. "I'm really sorry about this. I thought I was ducking down far enough"

"Oh no worries. It happens at least once a day." The first aid kit on the table is huge so I believe her.

She sticks a plaster on my head, invites me to stand up to make sure I'm not dizzy or lightheaded. "Thanks again," I tell her and walk from the Visitors Center back to the castle.

A tour guide points at me as I walk in, and announces to the 5 or 6 patrons wandering around, "Everybody, watch your head! Or you'll end up like this guy!"

God I love the Scottish.

This Castle Protected By...

Craigmillar Castle is outside of Edinburgh city centre, a 20 minute bus ride away. It's under the care of Historic Scotland, an agency that also cares for Edinburgh Castle, Stirling, and a host of other less famous castles across the country. Our friend Antonia works in publicity for Historic Scotland and suggested Craigmillar.

I was skeptical. You know how I feel about Edinburgh Castle: https://auld-riecke.ghost.io/edinburgh-castle/. But Craigmillar changed my mind about castles. And not just because it was named after me.

A person's home is their castle ... so the saying goes. But unlike Edinburgh and Stirling, which are settlements or entire towns encapsulated within the walls, Craigmillar was a family home. A pretty rich family, to be sure - this was essentially a 14th century McMansion.

The difference between a mansion and a castle is the security system. There was no ADT back then. So you made do with bows and arrows, nicely-sculpted turrets on the corners where you can pick off burglars, and lots and lots of stone.

Nowadays Edinburgh has calmed down. The most fighting you see are between seagulls over a sidewalk pita. But the evidence of dischord is there for visitors like me to ponder.

That curtain wall goes up an impressive 28 feet and is 5 feet thick. You won't get an arrow through that. Or an air conditioner ... but since this is Scotland, no worries there.

In the 15th century, the English took Craigmillar Castle, and used it as a base of operations to sack Edinburgh. Which they promptly did. They got Old Town, Holyrood Abbey, and every Jollibee's location ... everything except Edinburgh Castle.

The entire Scottish population of Edinburgh moved into Edinburgh Castle that year. I'm sure it was cozy. The good news is there was no room left for tourists.

But you needn't worry too much about interlopers these days. Craigmillar Castle is guarded by Amber, the vigilant guard cat:

Here's a thing you may not know. Cats love castles.

You know that fake castle you have sitting in your living room? Your cat might act like it loves that carpeted piece of crap.

Your cat really wants a real castle. With ledges. And nice deep windowsills made of cool, comfy stone. And mice! OMG. You think Amber got that plump on Meow Mix? Don't even.

But don't bring your cat to Craigmillar Castle. It's Amber's castle and she ain't sharing. Amber was everywhere. Everytime I'd walk into a room, a couple of minutes later I'd hear "Meow! Meow!" echoing off the walls. She was making sure I wasn't an English trying to grab it.

It was a sign of life that reminds you ... real people were once here. Chewing the fat. Getting all up in each other's business. And hearing it echo. I'm sure this did not cause mental illness for anyone.

Castle Life

Meanwhile back in Craigmillar, you've got nice gardens within the walls:

And if you're in the mood for some laps, there's a pond out back. It's outside the castle walls, so best check for the English interlopers before your morning swim.

I'm sure they had picnics, but much of the feasting and turkey-leg-bone-throwing was done in the Great Hall:

Nice cathedral ceiling. Actually, they believe there was a wooden plank floor about halfway up, and the storehouses for food were on that floor. But a little remodel never hurts.

The inside of Craigmillar Castle has plenty of tiny little rooms to explore.

Some of them have very small entrances, and that's where I conked my noggin. I was actually fine going into the room, but then somehow lost all short-term memory and didn't duck down going back out.

A very recent cement roof protects the top three floors. The fourth, where the original roof has fallen in, still has a beautiful view of Edinburgh:

That's the Frith of Forth, and across it you can see Berwick Law. A law, in Scottish terminology, is a "pimple mountain" that rises above the landscape with no peers. Amy and I climbed Berwick Law way back in May, but we definitely couldn't see to Edinburgh.

Castle Sweet Castle

It's incredible what stone workers achieved without big old cranes and sanders. What remains is a crazy quilt of colors and shapes that took tens and hundreds of years to figure out. No wonder it feels more human than most cement-and-glass structures of today.

I would move into Craigmillar in a heartbeat. Maybe I would cover the entryways with bubble wrap first.

But it's clear Amber doesn't want a roomie. There are only enough mice to go around.