Eras

There is a rumor going around which I would like to address.

The rumor is this ... that Amy and I only moved to Edinburgh, Scotland because it's the one venue on planet Earth where Taylor Swift tickets are still available. (For £419.)

Rather than answer that ugly, vicious rumor (who started this? Was it you? Damn you!) let me point out some cold hard facts, my friend.

I am not, nor have never been a follower of music trends. Sure, I was a U2 fan in the early 80's and an R.E.M fan in 1985. But as soon as they became popular, I dropped them like hot potatoes.

I only purchased Michael Jackson's 1984 classic album Thriller when the 2000's were well underway. I only liked Wierd Al Yankovic in his accordion era. I was the first guy playing Daft Punk to the rock kids. I disavowed disco, then became its biggest defender after the infamous 1979 Disco Demolition Night in Chicago.

I only have two rules:

• If it is popular music, I hate it.
• If it is unpopular music, I probably love it.

I take my Rock Snob credentials seriously.

I don't give a rat's patootie that Taylor Swift has become everyone's sweetheart, girl next door, designated driver, lover of everyone in the whole goddam world, the glue that holds all of society from the youngest children to the most elderly music listeners together in the palm of her hand. Big whoop.

I know it is de rigeur to identify with one Taylor Swift album (= Era, like the Eras tour ... you know), the modern equivalent of a Myers Briggs test:

• If you are down-to-earth, then you are Taylor Swift, the debut album
• If you are a teenage romantic or like sequins, then you are Fearless
• If you are magical and ethereal, then you belong to Speak Now
• If you are experimental and mature, looking for the subject to study in college, then you are a Red
• If you just like hanging out with your BFF's, then 1989 is your era
• If you are angry and jaded, then Reputation fits you to a T
• If you are nostalgic and the oldest watcher of a Disney movies, you need Lover
• If you like to drink cocktails in a messy room, Folklore is your jam
• If you want to appear to be a rock snob without actually working at it, you might be an Evermore
• And finally, if you are trying to figure out yourself in the parking lot of a Taylor Swift concert, try Midnights.

But me? I'm the guy with the fat toe that I stubbed two years ago against a cedar chest, of which the doctor says "It's probably nothing." I'm the guy who refuses to eat that last Choco Leibniz over and over again, then rewards himself with the last Choco Leibniz. I'm the guy that thinks eating at a resturant by yourself with a book is a perfectly fine way to spend a noon hour.

There is no Taylor Swift era for me.

I am just fine with that.